HOW BLACK RELATIONSHIPS LAST: LOVE IS WORK

BLACK RELATIONSHIPS

Too many people think Black relationships should last because they’re in a relationship and like or love each other. The reality is that’s not the secret to a lasting relationship. At the core of African American health is a good solid relationship. As crazy as it sounds, arranged marriages done in the Middle East are substantially more successful than our so-called love-generated relationships. Black relationships are almost never arranged, and that may be part of our problem.

ARRANGED MARRIAGES

Arranged marriages, like those in India and other Middle Eastern countries, are far more successful because both individuals know, for a fact, that they have to work to make the relationship successful. In other words, they have to spend extra energy to make the relationship work. None of them are relying on “love” to make their relationship work.

Too many couples sit back and wait to see how their relationship works. They’re not working on anything, they’re just sitting back and watching and seeing what happens to their relationship. That is a recipe for failure. If you’re just waiting to see if the relationship works, I can almost guarantee you it’s not going to work unless the other person is working double-time to make it work for the both of you.

A RELATIONSHIP IS AN INDIVIDUAL ENTITY

A relationship is an entity, just like a person is an entity. As a person, you have good days and bad days. You have days when things are going well and days when things aren’t going well.  Relationships are the same way; you have times when things go well and times when things don’t go well.

Sometimes there is conflict, and really no one is at fault . . . things just are not going well. As a person, you can’t abandon yourself. You have to ride out the bad days. But with relationships, you can disrupt the entity and abandon the situation, and that is the problem.

Research shows relationships last because the people involved ride out the bad days. They stay committed to the entity, the relationship, and the marriage.

Are you having a bumpy time? Work on correcting it. Talk about solutions. Above all, if you love them, ride it out.

If you go into a relationship with the attitude that everything will work just because you love them, is a bad perspective. Black relationships, like any relationship, require work on everybody’s part.

You must fully understand that you have to work to make any relationship work.  There will be compromises. 

DON’T ACCEPT JUST ANYBODY’S ADVICE

It’s amazing to me the number of single people who give advice on how to have a successful relationship. The last person who can advise you on a successful relationship is a single person. People who have serial relationships, one after another, are in no position to provide useful advice on having a lasting relationship with one person. Please be deliberate about ignoring any advice from someone who knows nothing about a long-lasting relationship. They’re just wasting your time. They have no clue about the secret to a lasting relationship simply because they haven’t done so.

NOTHING COMES EASILY

Nothing comes easily or effortlessly. A long-lasting and successful relationship requires the work of both parties in the relationship, as well as advice from other people who also have a long-lasting relationship. If you’re working to make your relationship last, you’re doing your part. Keep it up, and you will be surprised how long and successful a relationship you will have.